Chapter 34 #3

He’s quiet for a long time, and when he speaks, his voice is softer.

“She’s downstairs trying to figure out how to reach you, and you’re in Charlotte, convincing yourself that pushing her away is the noble thing to do.

” He curses, and it sounds like he hits something—a wall, maybe.

“Think about who that actually serves, Valen. Her? Or your guilt?”

The call cuts out, and when I press on the screen, I find the battery’s dead.

I stare at this snow globe that’s sat on my shelf all these years, then at my computer screen, knowing that I have cases I could get lost in, but thinking about my work makes me feel like a fraud. The only person I want to save is the one I left in a sleepy little town with no boundaries.

I left because I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I ran because I don’t know how to move forward if she rejects who I’ve become.

Instead of letting her in—instead of trusting her to stand in the wreckage with me—I gave her…space.

I left her alone.

I deserted her—just like Terra always said I would.

The thought makes me sick.

I didn’t choose her. I didn’t even choose us.

I chose myself dressed up as protection, as sacrifice, as a noble self-removal. But the truth is simpler and uglier.

I was scared.

Clover was strong enough to tell me about her walls. Why she built them and how they kept her safe, but all they really succeeded in doing was keeping her alone, separated from those who truly love her.

The life I’ve built wasn’t about doing good in the world. I chose to live this way so I wouldn’t have to dig into why a cold, sterile space felt safer to me than the warm, inviting, family home I grew up in.

I saw this apartment as security. I looked at my empty life and called it focus.

But I’ve always been a scared little boy at my core.

I place the snow globe on my desk, then drop my head into my palms as the weight of my decisions crushes my lungs.

After facing the truth of us, Clover isn’t the one who ran. She stayed. She reached for me.

I’m the idiot who pulled away.

What kind of protector does that?

What kind of man?

The answer twists around my heart with barbed wire. It cuts through me like a million dull razor blades—the kind of man who’s been so focused on saving everyone else, he doesn’t know how to save himself.

The kind of man who doesn’t deserve her but wants her anyway.

Clover has always chosen me. Isn’t it time I did the same?

Will she even forgive me? For what I did as a child? Maybe. For what I did two days ago?

My stomach cramps.

I’m not sure which infraction is worse.

My lips tug up at the corner because, against all odds, I have no doubt that Clover Danforth will tell me in no uncertain terms exactly where I stand.

All I have to do is…return to the only place that will ever be home.

To her.

I’ve never groveled a day in my life, but I might spend the rest of it on my knees, begging for forgiveness because the truth is, I’m a fucking idiot.

The drive back feels different.

Hopeful.

Excited.

Anxious.

It’s the same highway, the same mile markers, but everything has shifted. The memories of my mistakes don’t crush me the way they did before because this time, I’m running straight at them.

As long as I can keep my eyes open long enough to make it there. The effects of the sleeping pills I’ve taken leave my brain foggy and disorganized. It’s why I generally refuse to take them.

I’m on my third energy drink when I finally remember to plug in my phone. As soon as it holds a charge, it buzzes, and Roman’s name flashes on the console.

He’s going to be pissed that I didn’t call him back sooner.

I answer without taking my jittery gaze off the road. The last thing I need is to get into an accident before I can apologize. “I fucked up, I know. I’m already coming home.”

A pause. “Well, at least you’re on the same page then.”

His words don’t register at first, and I consider pulling over to pay attention.

“Valen? Are you there?”

“Yeah.” I flick the blinker, preparing to pull over.

“Clover boarded a plane to Charlotte this morning.”

My tires squeal as I slam on the brakes and cross three lanes of traffic.

“What did you just say?”

“She’s heading to Charlotte.”

I glance up at the sign directly in front of me: Welcome to Georgia. “But I’m—I’m not there.”

Clover doesn’t fly. Why did she fly?

“I know. Now that you finally turned on your fucking phone, we’re tracking you,” Roman says. There’s humor in his tone, but also relief. “I called your doorman, but we’d just missed you.”

I’ve put everyone I love through hell. Clover isn’t the only one in my life who needs an apology.

“Listen to me, you little shit weasel,” Savvy hisses.

Warmth spreads through my limbs. “Hello to you too, Savvy.”

“Get your ass back here where we can tie you down until we can get Clover home and she decides what to do with you. I swear to fuck, Valen, you ever hurt her like this again and I’ll⁠—”

There’s a scuffle, and then a growl.

“Now you’re pissing off my wife,” Greyson growls. “Get your ass back here before I kill you myself.”

The line goes dead, and I glance at my phone.

Going home has never sounded so good…or so deadly.