Rei

Having Lisa in the condo was keeping the worst of the nightmares at bay.

The lanky slave didn’t care that Rei rolled towards him at night.

Most of the time he woke with Lisa’s arms around him, holding him against his chest making Rei the little spoon.

It was almost as if Lisa sought him out in his sleep even more than Rei sought Lisa.

Sevastyan had been gone two and a half days.

His returned was closer than his leaving.

Rei counted the hours off in his head. He’d be prepping for the second hit now.

He’d already checked in after the first one and the gallery visit.

There’d be no more check-ins until he was heading to the airport, unless something went wrong.

But it was Sevastyan. Things rarely went wrong.

Rei pulled up the website where 5N was posting their updates and stared at the latest photo of Su-jin.

The maknae was smiling with a black cat crouched on the back of the couch behind him.

The caption read: “This as close as I can get.”

It was followed with a sad face emoji. In the comment section were dozens of fans asking whose cat it was. Su-jin hadn’t answered yet.

Lisa plopped down on the floor beside Rei. “Who’s that?” He looked better after his midday meal. There was color in his cheeks and he smelled like apple sauce. He’d actually eaten without being prompted.

Rei smiled at the thought of Lisa eating. “Su-jin.”

“Who's Su-jin?”

“One of the members of the group I trained with before . . .” He waved vaguely. Lisa understood. Before meant one thing.

Lisa leaned in. “Cute. So you know him?”

“Maybe we met in passing. I don’t remember. They brought him to replace me so they could debut.”

Rei went back to the main screen with pictures of everyone.

He pointed to a group photo taken recently.

Jun’s face was still visibly bruised. They hadn’t used makeup or editing to make the injuries more palatable.

5N wanted the world to know exactly why they were going rogue from BBB3.

It was brave for an idol to look less than perfect, but Jun was making it work for himself.

He looked lean and dangerous standing in the center of the photo, his arms extended around Yoihei and Geun on either side, crouching down over Jaewoong and Su-jin who were kneeling in front.

Rei pointed to each member, listing off their names.

“Junseo, leader and main vocalist. He writes a lot of the lyrics. And a lot of melody lines.”

He moved his fingers to the right, to the one Japanese member of the group.

He had strong features, a sharp jaw and piercing gaze.

“Yoihei, he writes all the Japanese lyrics. Main dancer.”

He moved his finger down to one of the two kneeling members, the one with permed blond hair and a half smile.

“Su-jin. Maknae, meaning the youngest. Visual, officially, but Jun pushes him to sing as much as he can get management to let them. I guess it will all be up to Jun now.”

“Why?”

“They’re not going back to BBB3, their old management company. The owner is Merchari and tried to sell Jun.”

Lisa grimaced. Rei shrugged and pushed on.

“That’s Jaewoong, the second youngest. Lead rapper. He’s good.”

He tapped the space by Jaewoong’s face. He had rounder features than the rest of the group.

Where Jun, Geun, and Yoihei had the corner market on long and lean, Jaewoong had all the signs of someone who could have become a bodybuilder if he wanted.

His shoulders were softened with muscles, and his thighs were the largest in the photo.

“And that one?” Lisa pointed to the member standing to Jun’s left.

“Geun. Officially lead dancer. They all do everything, though.”

Lisa had been moving subtly closer as they both looked at the photo. They were lying side by side now.

“Do you wish you were with them now?”

“I couldn’t, even if I wanted to.”

“Even if you were free?”

Rei touched his face, the motion reflecting in the dark parts of the photo for Lisa to see. He swiped the screen to another photo, this one of Geun doing handstands on a porch. “Those aren’t questions that are good to ask.”

“I can’t seem to stop asking them. There’s nothing for me to go back to.”

“You said there were horses.”

“The farm I was raised on, after I was adopted. There’s nothing for me there. I left for reasons.”

Reasons. Lisa’s voice brooked no questions.

“Where did you go?”

“The closest big city. I got training, was a paramedic. It was good, for a little while.”

“You liked it?”

Lisa nodded. “What’s there not to like? Saving people. Being the hero.”

Rei turned his head, giving Lisa a look of quasi disbelief. There was something off in Lisa’s tone. “Would you do it again? Since you’re trained.”

Lisa shrugged. “Did you always want to be an idol?”

Rei stretched his arm up in the air, fanning out his fingers. “I always wanted to dance. My mother was a dancer. She told me to do well in school, do anything other than dance. But it was all I wanted. You have to be beautiful to dance.”

“You are beautiful.”

Rei turned towards Lisa. There was an ocean of calm in the other slave’s face.

Lisa reached out and touched the scars on Rei’s cheeks, the slightly melted flat places, the red marks down the side of his neck.

Plastic surgery, laser treatments, and more had softened what had once been raw open wounds.

The initial scars had been large and dark, the skin resistant to expression.

Sometimes those first marks were still visible, even in the mirror, stronger than the present reality.

The worst was on the back of his upper arm and across his shoulder, where Lisa couldn’t see it.

“Everyone has different faces,” Lisa said. “This is yours.”

“It doesn’t make it beautiful.”

“You could dance with makeup.”

Rei shook his head. “We both know that's impossible.”

Lisa sighed and looked away. Then he looked back. He put his hand on Rei’s thigh. Rei covered Lisa’s hand with his own. They were in dangerous territory, thinking about futures that couldn’t happen. Perhaps they were both flirting with the end.

“Would it be so terrible if I just stayed here?” Lisa whispered. “Right here. Until it ends.” His lips curved up a little, but his eyes were a mix of longing and sadness. “It wouldn’t be that long. I only have a month or so until I have to see Alexi again, or the chip takes me out.”

“Cut the chip out,” Rei whispered. He swallowed, frightened by his courage. “Then you can talk about a future again.”

“It’s screwed into the bone. It could kill me before I disarmed it.”

“But if you could?”

“If I could . . .” Lisa let the words hang in the air above them.

“What would you do?” Rei whispered.

“Kidnap you and go somewhere they’ll never find us.”

Lisa sighed. “I never let myself think like this.”

He fell back onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and laughed, low and broken.

For a long time he said nothing. Then he raised his fingers, playing them through streaks of light from the sun dying towards the horizon outside. “I’m tired, Rei. Perhaps I’m a coward.”

“Why?”

“Because part of me would rather have four more weeks with you like this and nothing more, than face the rest of a natural life without you or Alexi. It’s fucked. I know it’s fucked. But sometimes Alexi is the only relief in this hell. Both the giver and the taker of pain. Even though I run,

I always crawl back to him like a dog.”